i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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