I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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