Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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