I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
