you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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