Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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