I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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