I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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