What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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