Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub