No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left