There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital