I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
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It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.