Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
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My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize