I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
