Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
