I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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