He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize