I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
