I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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