I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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