Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
