I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
