remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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