Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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