A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
