He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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