I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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