dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
