His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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