Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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