you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
we're making bets on your personal life
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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