Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
