I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
