hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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