Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
