You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?