Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD