please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity