I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up