I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
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I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
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I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila