my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot