need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
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Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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