the new term for farting is butt boxing.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
