If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
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just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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