I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
