So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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