Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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