found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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