literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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