Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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