More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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