well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The air was thick with penises
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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