Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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