my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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