maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
