You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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