I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm jealous of your bromance
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
